Sun is almost down and it's raining, it feels like Fall though in my mind it's more like a Spring party after learning what's "wrong" with me because after that I have been much kinder to myself, I have accepted things and I feel hopeful about the future. Thank you so much for all your thoughtful comments on that post (also, other good news: my face healed within a week, couldn't believe it).
So, what's up this week?
I'm gonna take the next couple of days as they come and on Thursday Johan's parents arrive in Berlin and we're going to have so much fun. Most important: We're going to eat so much good stuff, that's what we do best together. Will make sure to bring my camera!
Johan has been working on the graphic profile for a new place on Simon-Dach-Strasse 7 (finally some better quality food than the regular tourist trap happy hour bullshit) called GOTHAM IMBISS. It's opening later this week and if you're a fan of (The Bird Xberg, you will be very happy! Was hanging out there the whole weekend assisting, drinking beer and laughing. Last night the kitchen was up and running for friends and we all celebrated with burgers, wohoo!
My friends James & Morgan (Silo) have opened a new café/bar in Mitte, Commonground. Last night was the opening party and I had the pleasure of sipping on the amazing Made in Cuba Welcome Drink and some beers surrounded by good friends. Not only do they serve great drinks (my sweet friend Fiona is working behind the bar, she's one of the greatest bartenders this city has to offer!) - they open early in the morning serving delicious breakfast and also cups of amazing coffee, continuing until late night. I'm moving in.
My hero, Johan. We have had, and we still have, so many ups and downs, because here it comes: I am very (very) sick. Johan always told ME: Sandra, you've showed me what love is. All I can say is: THAT man has showed me what true fucking crazy loco fantastic love is. What he's done for me is... Pure love.
I'm 38 and it's about time I start taking care of myself, which means GO TO A DOCTOR and tell the whole story. I used to think taking care of myself meant to leave everyone else out, doctors included (only went to doctors a few times to calm down friends/family). Someone who deals with my disease professionally on a daily basis, and who knows me since I was born, has recently diagnosed WHAT I suffer from and it helps a lot to know what it is. Now that I know, it's so obvious - everything is hopefully going to fall into place, instead of pieces.
This is going to be a long, life-time long (because it's chronic), struggle that has been a fucking WAR for so many years and hopefully (hopefully) the war is going to be over soon. I can live with the struggle, but this war that I'm at now is about to kill me.
I want to be open about this, and I will tell you more when I'm ready. Until then I will focus on getting better and still post pictures here and maybe not too many personal stories (unless you are interested, sometimes personal stories can be scary, but I hope to help other people by telling my story). Thank you for reading.
The sun is out and you get a hint of Spring. Daydreaming of sitting in a Biergarten.
Or maybe on that terrace overlooking the TV-tower.
Or outside an Eck-Kneipe (pub at a corner) listening to Bonnie Tyler's voice stumbling out of the door via the loudspeakers.
Daydreaming of long walks with Johan, now and when we're old.
This makes me long for feeling inspired again.
To do something new.
It's getting lighter, brighter, easier. I hope.
I guess the two top pictures show how cold it was this morning as I walked with Johan to the S-Bahn. Decided to search for some colour before I went back to the warmth indoors. This week's mornings have started so beautifully with a super bright bedroom and warm fluffy duvets. I'm doing a fast again and will stay in a bubble until Friday when it's time to show my broken face at an opening party. It's healing surprisingly fast though, very thankful for that. See you!
This and that from my phone from Jan 13 until yesterday. Berlin tiles love & milk bath love.
From a Saturday I spent in the kitchen & from a laundry day.
Then the snow came.
My phone is so half dead now that it doesn't survive minus degrees Celsius, not even with a charger connected to it.
The foggy morning & I've been hanging out with my dog friend Nena, she's amazing.
And BANG, I had an accident. Fell on my face the other day (missed a step) and after resting the whole weekend, I feel pretty good. So happy I didn't break any bones. Shared a plate of halloumi and falafel with Johan last night, it was amazingly tasty.
...Ariane from Hamburg!
Wrist Worms will be in the mail soon!
Thank you all for participating, your comments about your favourite films have been amazing to read and I wish I could respond to you all personally, see this as my gratitude :*
Are you up for a giveaway?
One pair of Wrist Worms made of 100% wool is going to move to someone, somewhere.
How to enter the giveaway: Leave a comment on this blog post telling me about your favourite movie! A winner will be picked randomly on this Sunday, February 12, at 8pm and will be announced on the blog, so don't forget to check back! Looking forward to reading about your favourite movies!
Today the Sami people are celebrating Sami National Day. In short: The Sami people are the native Scandinavians and sadly (frustratingly) I didn't learn much about them when I grew up. Yes, one thing - that I was supposed to be ashamed of them, and I never understood why.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about where I come from. My passport says I'm born in Jukkasjärvi, Lapland, Sweden. My drivers license is German. My language is Swedish. I have a Greek first name. My last name dates back to the 18th century and only 148 people are called Juto in Sweden. And a few outside of Sweden. My address is in Germany. I grew up in Luleå and spent a lot of time at my grandparents in and outside of Korpilombolo where they all spoke a language called Meänkieli which I never learned - I could only pick up some words here and there and sometimes understand the context. From my grandmother's side I have some Walloon heritage, something she was bullied for when she grew up. The Walloon heritage is supposed to explain why I'm not as blonde as the "typical Swede". Johan says I look "exotic", but I have no idea - I'm face blind which results in having no clue what I look like.
So, back to Sami,
a thing that was never really spoken about among my relatives, was the Sami heritage. As a kid I heard small whispers about someone on my mother's side having intercourse with a Sami person which is supposed to explain why the people on my mother's side are pretty short. The fact that I was born in Lapland, was something people could bring up when they wanted to diminish me (Sandra is a Lapp bastard). I come from a pretty narrow-minded and also sometimes very racist upbringing (not only, I come from a lot of love and tolerance as well), a bipolar mix of really really mean & bitter people and really really loving & caring people. An uncle once told me that boys are much better than girls, and I believed him my entire childhood. Despite the kind and loving people I had around me, I always wanted to leave. I didn't feel at home and was, already before I was a teenager, dreaming of living in a big city far away. I guess I was one of those who never really fit in. Thank goodness for books, music, my diary and to draw.
As a teenager I was learning 7 languages and didn't at the time really question why - of course it was to compensate the fact that I was around people who spoke a language I didn't understand. I wanted to understand! If you have kids, please give them your language.
How things have been cannot be changed, and they have led me to where I am now; living in one of the most open-minded cities in the world. Probably with some Sami heritage, for sure with some Walloon heritage and who knows what else.
I stop now, for this time :)
Happy National Day, Sami people! It makes me glad to see you getting more attention among "the others" living in Sweden, it is about time!
Went out in the neighbourhood to check out the flea markets.
And met some dogs, as usual.
Love. I have a weakness for blue roses on porcelain, curtains, wallpaper, dresses etc.
Hung out with friends the whole afternoon and evening, drinking double espressos with cream and later on red wine and GUINNESS.
Hope you all have a great Monday :)